Posted in Mentoring others, New couples

Mentoring 101: a little truth can set others free

I recall the “growth times” I was “trusted with” more than a few times in life. They’d start similar, and as the years passed they would pan out more easily each time. Hence “growth”. The first time you are given the opportunity for growth ( aka your life is thrown for a tail spin ), you go through all the emotions – and quickly. Then you scramble since you still control the world having not yet learned to look to God asap for how this “can work together for good”. Well, this all familiar stair steps sequence is on the tools page as you sort out the typical 5 steps to healing, but what if you mentoring folks would take particular note of the  “honesty factor” and dispense accordingly when you see another in the throws of such challenge ?

So much easier would those times have been had others more quickly said “been there, experienced all that and then some, lived to see another day”. Actually, this honesty is most useful before the storm clouds move in.

To wit: today’s link regarding “gee, why didn’t you just level with me during my young and impressionable days?”

Posted in Couples in Challenge, Mentoring others, New couples, Tools for Couples

Unedifying practices …why start ?

Today I read a posting where a young couple made light of a doctrinal teaching, indirectly making fun of scriptural directions as viewed by the denomination that took a certain position.

In earlier days I can’t tell you how many (more than now even) times I put my foot in my mouth by taking a “funny” position. You just never know which person in your presence just lost a sister or son to suicide, who’s family member just passed away or was diagnosed with a terminal disease. Even closer to home, you don’t know when your spouse is having a difficult day simply pondering a close friend or remembering a family member regarding a situation that reflects hardships of life. These hardships will come to everyone sooner or later.

Since hardships will come, and as the apostle Paul, we should learn to welcome the growth & ministry opportunities that will come with them, why not take an attitude of living daily in support/ mentor/ nurture and descipling of others around you….even yourself ?

Take a look at the default activities in your life. Do they grow, edify & strengthen or not so much ? Making fun, slang, “gentle cussing”, only one drink or “social” drinking, sarcasm. What would happen if we replaced these activities with when we see hurt or need we immediately offer a quick prayer. When we get hurt, is it the Spirit bringing to our mind a reminder to pray for others in the same situation ? When we see pain/loss/etc, what do we have to offer. Confusion, what can we study to have more to pass along. When we argue strongly our position, does it take into count the possibility that we may influence much deeper by gently questioning or attentively listening ?

Some things will lead us wrong when trials and tough days come….some things planned and practices daily will get you ready for the storm – yours or those you’ve yet to minister to.

You may be surprise how your ministry influence grows in strength and how your life centers on Gods purpose when you execute according to a planned instead of off the cuff response to every aspect of your daily walk.

God keep.

Posted in New couples

Keeping Finances Separate Can Be Costly

Not my favorite source for couples financial matters, but worth a look by those that are wandering about without a plan – of course see Focus and Dave Ramsey pages., p    full article

“You would think if their finances were separate, couples wouldn’t fight about money, but what happens is they never have an opportunity to talk about mutual goals,” says Wall, co-founder of the nonprofit Women’s Institute for Financial Education ( “So one of them will set a goal to save for a bigger house while the other may think new golf clubs are more important — and they are off to the races fighting about money.” Nearly one in five of young professionals regretted not discussing financial goals and expectations earlier.

Posted in New couples, Tools for Couples

Becoming a Millionaire

As the webmaster I regularly blog to my business financial sites … therefore I couldn’t pass up posting the #1 tip to becoming a millionaire …. a successful husband/wife team effort in life, who knew ? ( me :-)). I have the book noted, a good read for couples that follows “my same name as I banker-uncle” famous quote: “if they look and spend like they have money, they probably don’t…if they look and spend as if they don’t have money, they probably do”. Thanks Uncle Paul, p

1. Only Marry Once
According to “The Millionaire Next Door” by Thomas J. Stanley, Ph.D and William D. Danko, Ph.D, the average millionaire is married with three children. The wives of these millionaires are good budgeters and most often described as even more frugal than their husbands. Interestingly, according to Stanley and Danko’s survey, half of these wives do no work outside the home and of those who do, they are most likely teachers.

One upside of only marrying once is avoiding the costs of divorce and of subsequent weddings. The cost of a divorce depends on many factors including income, attorney fees, court fees, and the assets a couple has and how they are divided. The average wedding cost in the United States in 2010, according to The Wedding, was $24,070.     full story

Posted in Couples in Challenge, Growing couples, New couples

If you want a “Soul Mate”, actively pursue

As the webmaster, I’m posting an excerpt as a reminder of what a counselor once told me – that all the time he sees gals that he could be tempted to trade for that are interested in him – but he has a commitment before God and man. ., P

The soul mate concept carries with it the belief that a perfect person exists for us, if only we could find him or her — then love and life would be easy. This belief has created a lot of trouble for people, especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect partner, many people have walked away from really great potential partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry, or that he/she didn’t match their ideal of The One. So they’ve ended up alone, still looking for that perfect soul mate. The renowned family psychiatrist Frank Pittman once said, “Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of the soul mate.”
Having been a psychologist for more than 25 years, and married to one guy for the same long stretch, I can tell you that there are no perfect partners out there. Not me. Not my husband. Not any of my many clients, friends, or family members. Lasting love is a hard-won battle of personal discipline, compromise, dedication, and commitment.

Want  a soul mate ? Be one to your mate., P