I found an excerpt from the below linked article to be nearly self evident. A wedding I attended in recent years had the biggest/ fanciest reception I’d ever been too. $10k more than I paid for my first house was the drop if I recall, country club, live band, exquisite desserts in the affair. I remember distinctly sensing at the time the effort in planning their party, but how much on their marital purpose? I also recall a couple humble weddings I attended at about the same time. Church reception, modest decor, etc, the focus was necessarily on the couple. That couple had and still does share a ministry, and now a new baby! The ‘fancy wedding couple’ ? They had many more fun gatherings I hear but have sadly gone separate ways.
While diamonds may be forever, marriages that begin with expensive bling are less likely to last long term, according to a recent study from Emory University. In the research, two economics professors polled 3,000 American adults who were presently or had previously been married, discovering that individuals who spend serious cash on engagement rings and the wedding ceremony were more likely to get divorced.
“Love is a commitment that will be tested … force you to make some very difficult choices.
… that demands that you deal with
- your lust,
- your greed,
- your pride,
- your power,
- your desire to control,
- your temper,
- your patience,
- and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.”
“The important thing to bear in mind is that you must face your willingness to die to yourself before you choose to walk down the aisle. Is this person the one for whom you are willing to die daily? Is this person to whom you say, “I do” also the one for whom you are willing to say, “No, I don’t” to everybody else? Be assured that marriage will cost you everything.”
“Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve. You must not act under the impetus of charm, but out of a commitment to make someone’s life the joy you want it to be.”
“The apostle Paul says in Romans 13:14, “Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” In other words, do not put yourself in a place where you can fall.”
“Marriage brings together not just a man and his wife but their children and their struggles. To suddenly drop the partner who has carried that load with you along life’s journey for all these years for someone with no strings or worries attached is cruel. Marriage is not a commercial enterprise in which you replace a car you have tired of with another one.”
“Become a man or woman of prayer…Let your heart and mind be kept close to the principal calling of your life, … to hunger and thirst after God and His righteousness…
“To the young woman I say, This is the moment in your life when he who is wooing you will be at his kindest. And if you do not see kindness in the man you are dating, beware! For the partnership you are looking for will be nourished and nurtured only on the basis of a love that is not arrogant or prideful, but kind.”
“Many pray for the right partner but cease to pray for the right union–that they be one as Jesus and the Father are one..”
“In the early days of marriage, joy precedes the act. Tragically, as the years go by joy can be severed from the act until finally, the act itself is no more. This ought not to be. Over time it is the companionship that brings joy, and service is the natural outworking of the joy of commitment. Failure to act kills it.” s
“Think long and hard whether you have reached that mature stage of selflessness for this one you think you love so much. The love you enjoy will be the best thing that ever happened to you, but it will cost you your independence…. The responsibility of marriage and family demands time, and when we cheat on that, we rob ourselves of the investment returns.”
“Let your devotional life be the beacon that guides you through the tough terrain you will face.”
“Just as strength is a man’s charm, so charm is a woman’s strength.”
“That is what a well-guarded prayer life can reveal about us, that our trust is not in ourselves but in seeking God’s strength for what we do.
“Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will (choose) to love somebody, you can. – Ravi Zacharias’ brother”
Video series on moving from courtship to marriage. Higly recommend.
1. PRAY TOGETHER ALWAYS
2. READ THE SCRIPTURES TOGETHER ALWAYS
3. Go on regular date nights
4. Hide notes in secret places
5. Go to bed at the same time
6. Listen to music together-share ear-buds
7. Buy him gifts he will love
8. Revitalize the romance with intimate dates
9. Wear shirts that tell the world you love your spouse
10. Praise your spouse to other people
11. Read a marriage devotional
12. Sleep in his t-shirts
13. Renew your vows privately with whispers and memories
14. Renew them publicly with cake and bubbly
15. Go away together at least once a year
For Women Only
16. Hang pictures of the two of you around your house
17. Make his favorite dessert
18. Make sex a priority
19. Spend time apart occasionally
20. Learn to enjoy something he loves
21. Surprise each other
22. Meet him at the door
23. Text each other from across the room
24. Set reminders on your phone to remember him/her throughout the week
25. Call him right now and tell him you appreciate him
For Men Only
26. Leave work on time and come home early
27. Engage every day in meaningful conversation
28. Compliment each other
29. Take one day a month to make your spouse your total focus
30. Argue fair: avoid these words “you always” and “you never”
31. Kiss every day
32. Find tangible ways to serve your mate without complaining
33. Forgive quickly
34. Be honest.
35. Get on the same page: plan your budget together
36. Look your best as often as you can
37. Guard your marriage
38. Laugh together
39. When you are together-BE TOGETHER (take a break from phones, technology, etc)
40. Tell her she’s pretty, especially when she’s not feeling it
41. Make each other breakfast in bed
42. Do her chores for her
44. Get a couple’s massage or host your own privately
44. Dance together-soft music (both of you alone) or rocking music with the kids
45. Exercise together- hikes, bike riding, etc
46. Choose not to be annoyed by an irritating behavior/disappointment from your spouse
47. Thank your spouse often even for the least reason or gesture
48. Lay in bed together and stare into each other eyes, without talking
49. Learn something new together-take an art class, cooking lessons, etc
50. Leave a sweet comment on the Facebook wall
51. Support each other’s goals
52. Bring her flowers/gifts (even when she says they are too expensive)
53. Wear something your spouse loves
54. Share furniture-sit in his lap
55. Fight for your marriage
56. Make a point to eat dinner together most days of the week.
57. Never let your spouse feel like they come second place to your career or any other thing.
58. Talk about your dreams and aspirations. Be supportive of each other and dream big together!
59. Maintain a united front as your motto: Meaning- “Me and you against the world.
60. Speak well of your spouse
Whether for religious differences, geographic challenges or differing family expectations, more couples are opting to throw two full weddings, with two ceremonies and two receptions. About 15% of all new U.S. marriages in 2010 were between spouses of different races or ethnicities.
Couples need to be aware of the special challenges for mixed family backgrounds. Mentoring is of a different flavor as well. One needs to really take a “other person” perspective in these situations. How did they grow up, how was their home different ? holidays ? interaction with parents, living situations, etc. Here’s an interesting story for thought of how many aspects have differences.
Proper relationship hierarchy makes all the relationships work well,
Get the first one right (God), and you’ll get the next one right (w/spouse), and the next (family), extended family, etc. After that you’re on your own. Scripture will give you some great ideas as to who is important, how, and why. Develop them from God down.
I recall the “growth times” I was “trusted with” more than a few times in life. They’d start similar, and as the years passed they would pan out more easily each time. Hence “growth”. The first time you are given the opportunity for growth ( aka your life is thrown for a tail spin ), you go through all the emotions – and quickly. Then you scramble since you still control the world having not yet learned to look to God asap for how this “can work together for good”. Well, this all familiar stair steps sequence is on the tools page as you sort out the typical 5 steps to healing, but what if you mentoring folks would take particular note of the “honesty factor” and dispense accordingly when you see another in the throws of such challenge ?
So much easier would those times have been had others more quickly said “been there, experienced all that and then some, lived to see another day”. Actually, this honesty is most useful before the storm clouds move in.
To wit: today’s link regarding “gee, why didn’t you just level with me during my young and impressionable days?”