Series: Challenges ~ ‘[spouse] bankrupt us, should I stay married or divorce?’

~ Wow, I’m so sorry you have to even be burdened in such a way. First hand professional experience with multiple clients is such a state, sadly. ~ Know first, others have ‘stories’, they are just to proud to tell you – they want to bury them – or prayerfully/better, they’ve gone to the scriptures and The Throne and burdens have been exchanged for joy, a testimony and deliverance. Unrelated ‘story’ I know, but my role model of persistence in the face of depressions, wars, and poverty, I introduce my grandma Pearl Anibal. The one that raised my dad – pictured. ___ Born 1900. Drove a 3 in the tree Chevy II until her last driving day. Lived out her last days in the Durand farm house where she was born, keeping a garden for organic food, and praying her list daily. She’d pray until late in the night. You could get on her list…but only death removed you from the long list. Bored me to tears as a child when we’d visit her, never giving an answer or opinion outside of quoting scripture in the sentence. Had little to her name, modest in every way. A school teacher, insisted on only the best and hard work from the kids. She raised many kids all alone after her husband died of cancer in `53. Eight fine aunts and uncles. _______ Perhaps the wisest woman I’ve ever known, wish I could chat w/ her again.

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As a licensed, yet self titled Consulting Financial / Realty ‘Therapist’, I have an approach that only recently I realized was part of a larger group of professional ‘Financial Therapists’. Yes, its a ‘thing’.

 

You. You’re in the throws of crisis. You have the contact list in your phone or email list. It’s something like this:

• Pastor – faith counselor
• Marital psychologist – counselor
• Legal / divorce lawyer – …again, ‘counselor’
• Bankruptcy attorney
• Tax accountant/ CPA
• Banker, insurance agent, bla bla bla

Where to start? Who to call first? Who’s advice trumps the others if they don’t align? Whoosh, I feel a nervous breakdown coming on. No, no you don’t. As a believer you have this checklist to start with:

• ‘I …
• …can do ALL things…
• …through CHRIST…
• …who gives me strength’.
• ——— Keep going ——–
• ‘And we know that ALL THINGS work together for good FOR THOSE THAT LOVE THE LORD’.

Ok, so start at the top. 1. You need to be in Christ, so read, repent, live consistent going forward, and know that the battle is not yours, BUT, you must press on to win the prize, doing YOUR due diligence before the Lord. How more specifically? All major decisions and life changes should follow these scriptural precepts:

1. Seek wisdom in the Word
2. Pray w/ open ears
3. Listen for the Holy Spirits lead
4. Solicit wise counsel of believers more mature that yourself
5. Consider the timing of your decisions if you are feeling lead – is ‘now’ better, or ‘later’ ? Perhaps never eh?
6. Fast – just as Christ did.

Somewhere in the above is where my phone rings. I’m glad they called. You/ they, don’t walk thru chaos or major life change/challenges every day, maybe only once in their lives (I pray for you).

When you speak to 1 professional, you oft get their ‘tunnel vision’ only. Perhaps its not their intention, but they see your life through the simplicity of their profession and theirs only. What’s great legally is perhaps morally abhorrent. Same with ‘credit’ advice, tax advice, buy/sell a house advice, etc. There is necessarily a ‘bigger picture’ to one’s life. Ideally, each professional would defer to that reality AND be able to direct you to others to assist before making a large decision – and hopefully not a huge further life complicating mess.

• Finally, remember, Steven forgave even those that caused his stoning death.
• ‘Married’ allows for a ‘time of separation’ that you might pray, right?
• There is one allowance, criteria if you will, not a requirement, for divorce.
• Greener grass still needs care, and might be more work -statistics of 2nd and 3rd marriages hold this to be true.
• Decisions are rarely best made when you are emotional as satan can step into the process so so easily.
• Finally, remarriage requires abandonment. Don’t use your definition here, find Gods. How ? see above….still not sure ? see me, a ‘therapist’ (intentionally in quotes).

 

How can I help?

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OTHER READINGS: Series: Challenges

I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this time, you’ll learn to bless to others. Become equipped. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.

 Answers. 

• Labri Fellowship ~ you have questions. L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America ~ honest questions about God.
• Need a book? Just ask, we have a ‘book exchange’. Take it home, bring it back when/if you’re done. Or drop off a book for us to pass along.

Blessings !

---

Contact Paul at Anibal Group LLC theNetWorthLife.com

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My Quora ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’

 

Sometimes spouse is ‘predictably unpredictable’ ~ Stay to God’s plan

You’ll want to watch a couple times to get it. Then, you’ll want to share it with those that don’t ~ get it. Get it?

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The point for believers here is God has outlined your actions. Reactions can confuse and frustrate all persons to a higher degree than where you may be at. Unless you choose as a ‘reaction’ to follow predetermined ‘actions’, you will be like a car accident on an icy road, sliding all about and crashing uncontrollably. BE the control of thy self. Hint:

• “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control”….

If you dare claim Christ as your Savior, the ‘speck n plank’, and ‘in the same way you will be judged’ are all scriptures you need to put in front of your speaking and actions.

Me too!

🙂

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Challenge to the challenged:

• Look not to remove the speck from another’s eye until you remove the plank from your own. This could take a while. But you will ‘draw close to God and he will draw close to you’. Who can take down a team such as this? To the married, ‘a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken’.
• “Wisdom in the counsel of many”. Many what, random people? Grandma passed in 1987, but she is wiser now to me than ever before. John Wesley, Samaritans Purse, ministries to the forgotten, lost and hurting, these are my role models. The widow who gives her ‘mite’, she gives everything. Those that care for them that can return nothing? Psalm 1 comes to mind, the definition of a righteous man.  For years I’d look for feedback from those I thought ‘wise’. They looked successful, educated, ‘all together’. As time passed, I’d see how they spent time (secular entertainment, worldly pursuits), I’d see what filled their mind (non-faith based motivational books, secular novels) and then ‘fruit’. If you see ‘fruit’ for the kingdom being produced by their efforts, Fruit of the Spirit in conduct this is good. If you hear God’s word quoted: good. If you otherwise hear ‘the one with the biggest stick wins! (God? not Goliath?), or ‘well, Murphy’s law’ (vs. All things work for good if you love the Lord and follow His purpose), or other such, look for those that consistently start and end with the Lord. They pray with you asap, they give you relevant scriptures and lead you to seek the Holy Spirit, to come into closer fellowships with bible study groups, etc. Then my friend, you will have found a rare jewel, ‘… the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.” Proverbs 20:15 
• When and how to act: Test against these –
  1. Scriptural alignment – not only selected out of context verses that might support you otherwise.
  2. Bathed in prayer. Ask others to join in prayer for a leading.
  3. Leading of the Holy Spirit – outgrowth of prayer time.
  4. Timing. Could this be done better later? Or after God opens door(s). Are doors shutting consistently?
  5. Wise counsel.
  6. Keep seeking. Think Ecclesiates for what is of value, Psalms 1, 23, 119, etc for peace, Romans for instruction, and memorize Matt 5,6,7 Christs sermon on the Mount. With that alone you’ll probably find resolve.
• Next step to victory: Focus on others. Volunteer at the mission. Bring in a homeless friend. Host a bible study. Attend as many studies as you can – with new people you don’t know. Support a local fellowship where your support can make a difference and shares the uncompromised Word of God.  From personal experience I can attest these are all wonderful healing activities.

The Lord Bless you and Keep You !!!

---

OTHER READINGS:

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I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this storm, consider how you will be a blessing to others that need you after this learning time. Become equipped for them. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.

• Labri Fellowship
  • The L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America where individuals have the opportunity to seek answers to honest questions about God and the significance of human life.
• Want to know how infinitely complex scripture is, and why its simple wisdom can be trusted? You may enjoy Learn the Bible in 24 Hours, click on the book picture to “look inside”. You’ll be fascinated. One of many books I pass along to clients/ friends.

Blessings !

---

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My Quora ‘wisdom’ ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’

Series: Challenges ~ ‘ I don’t have to care for her, I get to…’

Today would have been my parent’s 67th wedding anniversary.

While mom is confused why she is separated from family in a nursing home, 1 month shy of 100 years of age, dad is celebrating in Heaven. This video reminds me of how mom would drive busy roads to a nursing home daily to feed dad and take him clean clothes, this in her 80’s. She was an example for spousal commitment indeed.

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Also today, the sermon was regarding Joseph, the father of Christ. Life of obedience, it’s not always convenient. At the height of his career this exemplary husband decided to start repaying the 40 Years of marital indebtedness he had to his wife that made his career possible.

Wonderful.

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OTHER READINGS: Series: Challenges

I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this time, you’ll learn to bless to others. Become equipped. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.

 Answers. 

• Labri Fellowship ~ you have questions. L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America ~ honest questions about God.
• In this article: https://www.brightmoorchurch.org/
• Need a book? Just ask, we have a ‘book exchange’. Take it home, bring it back when/if you’re done. Or drop off a book for us to pass along.

Blessings !

---

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My Quora ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’

 

Series: Challenges ~ Why should I have hope?

Oh, let me count the ways. Let not your heart be troubled.

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One grandmother – the English speaking one – seemed to never answer our questions directly. Or did she? She’d invariably say: ‘well, you know what the Bible says, ……..’ And there you have it. Perfect wisdom as its from the author of wisdom, God himself.

If you are in a challenge or know someone that is, you may be looking for answers. I’d ‘challenge’ you to ‘seek and you shall find’.

Shall I look less for satisfaction from God oppressing the enemy or more in the delights of deliverance. If I was preaching this would hence be a ‘2-part series’.

So, God oppressing the enemy vs. your deliverance.

Will God empower you to fell your Goliath who taunted until his challenge was accepted? He was dropped to the ground and his head was taken off, with his own sword no less. Weeks of taunting. No one else was provided to stop the attacks, so God enabled the taunted to overcome the taunter. Could you imagine it would have ended this way? In such utter triumph? I can attest I’ve seen in over and over, in my life, in our home. Such remarkable – and often very personal – details, that we’ve shared specifics when God is bringing those who need to hear His encouragement, and we’ve been placed in the position.

Or will God set you free and let you oppressor to bring his own fate like Pharoah? “I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him” (Exodus 3:19) He did his best to oppress the ‘less fortunate’, and seemed blind to the consequences that came with his God-voice-rejecting actions. Plagues came, people died, finally even his own son! What next? He said: “Get out of my sight! Make sure you do not appear before me again! The day you see my face you will die.” “Just as you say,” Moses replied. “I will never appear before you again.” Foolishly, he continued to chase after Moses and his people. The story splits in 2 here: the group with Moses had no where to turn, pinned against the sea with Pharaoh’s crushing army in pursuit! They blamed Moses. (Have you been blamed for following the Word of God tested against the Spirits leading, coupled with wise counsel of mature followers of Christ?) You know how the story ends. If Pharaoh had known ‘vengeance is mine says the Lord’ he’d have not drown with his blind followers in battle. What a story the delivered have for discipling others!

Challenge to the challenged:

• Look not to remove the speck from anothers eye until you remove the plank from your own. This could take a while. But you will ‘draw close to God and he will draw close to you’. Who can take down a team such as this? To the married, ‘a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken’.
• “Wisdom in the counsel of many”. Many what, random people? Grandma passed in 1987, but she is wiser now to me than ever before. John Wesley, Samaritans Purse, ministries to the forgotten, lost and hurting, these are my role models. The widow who gives her ‘mite’, she gives everything. Those that care for them that can return nothing? Psalm 1 comes to mind, the definition of a righteous man.  For years I’d look for feedback from those I thought ‘wise’. They looked successful, educated, ‘all together’. As time passed, I’d see how they spent time (secular entertainment, worldly pursuits), I’d see what filled their mind (non-faith based motivational books, secular novels) and then ‘fruit’. If you see ‘fruit’ for the kingdom being produced by their efforts, Fruit of the Spirit in conduct this is good. If you hear God’s word quoted: good. If you otherwise hear ‘the one with the biggest stick wins! (God? not Goliath?), or ‘well, Murphy’s law’ (vs. All things work for good if you love the Lord and follow His purpose), or other such, look for those that consistently start and end with the Lord. They pray with you asap, they give you relevant scriptures and lead you to seek the Holy Spirit, to come into closer fellowships with bible study groups, etc. Then my friend, you will have found a rare jewel, ‘… the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.” Proverbs 20:15 
• When and how to act: Test against these –

  

  ‘All the tea in China’ won’t do it!

  1. Scriptural alignment – not only selected out of context verses that might support you otherwise.
  2. Bathed in prayer. Ask others to join in prayer for a leading.
  3. Leading of the Holy Spirit – outgrowth of prayer time.
  4. Timing. Could this be done better later? Or after God opens door(s). Are doors shutting consistently?
  5. Wise counsel.
  6. Keep seeking. Think Ecclesiates for what is of value, Psalms 1, 23, 119, etc for peace, Romans for instruction, and memorize Matt 5,6,7 Christs sermon on the Mount. With that alone you’ll probably find resolve.
• Next step to freedom: Focus on others. Volunteer at the mission. Bring in a homeless friend. Host a bible study. Attend as many studies as you can – with new people you don’t know. Support a local fellowship where your support can make a difference and shares the uncompromised Word of God.  From personal experience I can attest these are all wonderful healing activities.

The Lord Bless you and Keep You !!!

---

OTHER READINGS:

I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this storm, consider how you will be a blessing to others that need you after this learning time. Become equipped for them. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.

• Labri Fellowship
  • The L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America where individuals have the opportunity to seek answers to honest questions about God and the significance of human life.
• Want to know how infinitely complex scripture is, and why its simple wisdom can be trusted? You may enjoy Learn the Bible in 24 Hours, click on the book picture to “look inside”. You’ll be fascinated. One of many books I pass along to clients/ friends.

Blessings !

---

Name

Email(required)

Comment(required)

Submit

Δ

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My Quora ‘wisdom’ ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’

Marriage trick #2: Shared Purpose, like horses and the hurting

A great divider of spouses is that which separates. Yet, that which joins together for a

common purpose is one of the great rewards of a most special type of teamwork.

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Consider as much this couple and their purpose in Christ as you further enjoy the testimony of Kim’s hard childhood without her parents.

• Further Reading:
  • God using this couple –
  • https://www.crystalpeaksyouthranch.org/about-cpyr/history-of-cpyr/
  • God raises up the most brokenhearted –
  • http://www1.cbn.com/700club/healing-horses-kim-meeders-story
• Audios:
  • • 3/1: Mending the Brokenhearted: An Update with Kim Meeder Part 1

    • 3/2: Mending the Brokenhearted: An Update with Kim Meeder Part 2

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Videos:

Kim Meeder: A Neglected Horse and Boy (LIFE Today) – YouTube

▶ 8:47

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-K0Gx4AAGQA

Mar 1, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

The director of the Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch tells the touching story of a neglected horse and the boy who …

Kim Meeder Testimony at New Hope Market Place Ministry – YouTube

▶ 9:14

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZt_hbWLw9U

Apr 10, 2013 – Uploaded by SIRONEDRAGON

A well known speaker on TV shows as ” Life Today ” with James and Betty Robinson…and author of …

The Power of a Smile – Kim Meeder – YouTube

▶ 5:25

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVi6IBaPihY

Jun 22, 2011 – Uploaded by WaterBrook & Multnomah

True beauty is not about how you look… but how you live. Women are constantly bombarded with the lie that …

Fierce Beauty – Kim Meeder – YouTube

▶ 3:12

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gK6C2si_1pg

Apr 25, 2011 – Uploaded by WaterBrook & Multnomah

Choosing to Stand for What Matters Most http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/catalog.php?isbn=9781601422033.

Kim Meeder: Redemption on the Ranch (LIFE Today) – YouTube

▶ 13:05

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBDEKIUTm9I

Mar 1, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

The author of “Fierce Beauty” tells the story of a horse whose face was crushed and its amazing encounter …

Kim Meeder, co-founder of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch on Vimeo

▶ 4:01

https://vimeo.com › Focus on the Family Canada › Videos

Sep 28, 2017 – Uploaded by Focus on the Family Canada

Kim Meeder, co-founder of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, shares inspirational stories from her ranch, which …

Kim Meeder: When Jesus Took My Hand (LIFE Today / James …

▶ 3:14

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZCU_Iviofg

Mar 2, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

A woman whose father killed her mother, then himself, tells how Jesus Christ miraculously comforted her in that …

In this touching interview, Troy and Kim Meeder, founders of Crystal …

▶

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/83175924338360242/

In this touching interview, Troy and Kim Meeder, founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, share inspirational …

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Contact us anytime about anything, Fenton area bible studies, mentorship, feedback, etc. :

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Marry someone with money. (Continued) aka: Ring Bling vs True Love

I found an excerpt from the below linked article to be nearly self evident. A wedding I attended in recent years had the biggest/ fanciest reception I’d ever been too. $10k more than I paid for my first house was the drop if I recall, country club, live band, exquisite desserts in the affair. I remember distinctly sensing at the time the effort in planning their party, but how much on their marital purpose? I also recall a couple humble weddings I attended at about the same time. Church reception, modest decor, etc, the focus was necessarily on the couple. That couple had and still does share a ministry, and now a new baby! The ‘fancy wedding couple’ ? They had many more fun gatherings I hear but have sadly gone separate ways.

While diamonds may be forever, marriages that begin with expensive bling are less likely to last long term, according to a recent study from Emory University. In the research, two economics professors polled 3,000 American adults who were presently or had previously been married, discovering that individuals who spend serious cash on engagement rings and the wedding ceremony were more likely to get divorced.

http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/2017/08/31/twitter-user-blasted-for-ring-shaming-newly-engaged-woman.html

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Contact us anytime about anything, Fenton area bible studies, mentorship, feedback, etc. :

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Postpartum depression effect on marriage.

Often its said PPD affects women, but drives men away. But it also causes many women to look outside for excitement as a temporary fix. This, I’ve witnessed as a force that leads the wife, not husband, to end the marriage.

For more tips:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/9-ways-to-reclaim-your-marriage-after-postpartum-depression.html

Going to work on houses ? Work on relationship first.

Many times I’ve actually discourage married couples from building new, buying a fixer upper, or ‘taking a shot’ and investing. Why? Because financial stress can devastate a home and I’ll not take a commission at the expense of a marriage. Yes, I’ve even studied family counseling for years because of the stress that comes with large life changes – like real estate transactions! So I found this very refreshing – just saw this article about how these folks have a date night each week with no business allowed.

I think I’ve heard this story before, they like to rehab homes, he can move the walls, she can add the flair, they don’t do TV but prioritize Christ. Wasn’t sure whether to put this on my RealtyNetWorth.com site or on our mentoring page.

http://qpolitical.com/after-last-nights-fixer-upper-chip-and-joanna-share-huge-news/

Words have meanings, please use them correctly

I realize this is my own amateur opinion. With that disclaimer I’m both giving and retracting my views all in one fell swoop. Huh? I’ll explain:

I’ve seen countless examples of family, spousal for example, communications take a hurtful toll over time due to the over use of confusing jargon. Sarcasm, for example, can be especially non productive when emotions or any stress level is involved. How do you know what your spouse is feeling on a subject deep down ? Whats ‘quippy’ and ‘cute’ to you may only be making the other persons view point seem of marginal value. Take the following for excerpt for example from Webster’s wiki.

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In the early 1960s, Webster’s Third came under attack for its “permissiveness” and its failure to tell people what proper English was. It was the opening shot in the culture wars, as conservatives detected yet another symbol of the permissiveness of society as a whole and the decline of authority, as represented by the Second Edition.^[25] As historian Herbert Morton explained, “Webster’s Second was more than respected. It was accepted as the ultimate authority on meaning and usage and its preeminence was virtually unchallenged in the United States. It did not provoke controversies, it settled them.” Critics charged that the [Webster’s Third] dictionary was reluctant to defend standard English, for example entirely eliminating the labels “colloquial”, “correct”, “incorrect”, “proper”, “improper”, “erroneous”, “humorous”, “jocular”, “poetic”, and “contemptuous”, among others.^[26]

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No compare to http://webstersdictionary1828.com/NoahWebster

In 1807 Webster began compiling a fully comprehensive dictionary, An American Dictionary of the English Language; it took twenty-eight years to complete. To evaluate the etymology of words, Webster learned twenty-six languages, including Old English (Anglo-Saxon), Greek, Hebrew and Latin.

…

Noah Webster was a Christian and famously said “Education is useless without the Bible.” His dictionary contains seventy thousand words and over six thousand Bible references and remains one of the only mainstream dictionaries to use Bible references to demonstrate the meaning of words. His dictionary is an essential tool for anyone studying the Bible.

Christian readers will find it rewarding to compare his definitions of such words as “marriage”, “education”, “sin”, “law”, “faith”, “prayer”, etc., with those given in any modern dictionary.

He worked hard to use scripture as a base for word meanings.

Think about the old saying ‘its not funny if only one person is laughing’. Better yet, think about the scriptural passage “But let your ‘Yes‘ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matt 5:37

Finally:

…that’s just how I see it.

Presume (or know) they care, even when you ‘feel’ otherwise.

When you’re hurt, believe the best of your spouse’s intentions, rather than the worst.

Instead of thinking, ‘He/she knew how that would make me feel, but said it anyway,’ try this: ‘Yes, that hurt, but I know they care about me, so they must not have known how that would make me feel or they wouldn’t have said it.’

Click here for the article and research.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and her newest, The Good News About Marriage. A Harvard-trained social researcher and speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times.