Posted in Couples in Challenge

Series: Challenges ~ ‘ I don’t have to care for her, I get to…’

Today would have been my parent’s 67th wedding anniversary.Ma.n.Pa.perhaps.Sunday.Date

While mom is confused why she is separated from family in a nursing home, 1 month shy of 100 years of age, dad is celebrating in Heaven. This video reminds me of how mom would drive busy roads to a nursing home daily to feed dad and take him clean clothes, this in her 80’s. She was an example for spousal commitment indeed.

Also today, the sermon was regarding Joseph, the father of Christ. Life of obedience, it’s not always convenient. At the height of his career this exemplary husband decided to start repaying the 40 Years of marital indebtedness he had to his wife that made his career possible.


OTHER READINGS: Series: Challenges

I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this time, you’ll learn to bless to others. Become equipped. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.


  • Labri Fellowship ~ you have questions. L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America ~ honest questions about God.
  • In this article:
  • Need a book? Just ask, we have a ‘book exchange’. Take it home, bring it back when/if you’re done. Or drop off a book for us to pass along.

Blessings !

My Quora ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’


Posted in Couples in Challenge, Mentoring others, Tools for Couples

Series: Challenges ~ Why should I have hope?

Oh, let me count the ways. Let not your heart be troubled.


One grandmother – the English speaking one – seemed to never answer our questions directly. Or did she? She’d invariably say: ‘well, you know what the Bible says, ……..’ And there you have it. Perfect wisdom as its from the author of wisdom, God himself.

If you are in a challenge or know someone that is, you may be looking for answers. I’d ‘challenge’ you to ‘seek and you shall find’.

Shall I look less for satisfaction from God oppressing the enemy or more in the delights of deliverance. If I was preaching this would hence be a ‘2-part series’.

So, God oppressing the enemy vs. your deliverance.

Will God empower you to fell your Goliath who taunted until his challenge was accepted? He was dropped to the ground and his head was taken off, with his own sword no less. Weeks of taunting. No one else was provided to stop the attacks, so God enabled the taunted to overcome the taunter. Could you imagine it would have ended this way? In such utter triumph? I can attest I’ve seen in over and over, in my life, in our home. Such remarkable – and often very personal – details, that we’ve shared specifics when God is bringing those who need to hear His encouragement, and we’ve been placed in the position.

Or will God set you free and let you oppressor to bring his own fate like Pharoah? “I know that the king of Egypt will not let you go unless a mighty hand compels him” (Exodus 3:19) He did his best to oppress the ‘less fortunate’, and seemed blind to the consequences that came with his God-voice-rejecting actions. Plagues came, people died, finally even his own son! What next? He said: “Get out of my sight! Make sure you do not appear before me again! The day you see my face you will die.” “Just as you say,” Moses replied. “I will never appear before you again.” Foolishly, he continued to chase after Moses and his people. The story splits in 2 here: the group with Moses had no where to turn, pinned against the sea with Pharaoh’s crushing army in pursuit! They blamed Moses. (Have you been blamed for following the Word of God tested against the Spirits leading, coupled with wise counsel of mature followers of Christ?) You know how the story ends. If Pharaoh had known ‘vengeance is mine says the Lord’ he’d have not drown with his blind followers in battle. What a story the delivered have for discipling others!

Challenge to the challenged:

  • Look not to remove the speck from anothers eye until you remove the plank from your own. This could take a while. But you will ‘draw close to God and he will draw close to you’. Who can take down a team such as this? To the married, ‘a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken’.
  • “Wisdom in the counsel of many”. Many what, random people? Grandma passed in 1987, but she is wiser now to me than ever before. John Wesley, Samaritans Purse, ministries to the forgotten, lost and hurting, these are my role models. The widow who gives her ‘mite’, she gives everything. Those that care for them that can return nothing? Psalm 1 comes to mind, the definition of a righteous man.  For years I’d look for feedback from those I thought ‘wise’. They looked successful, educated, ‘all together’. As time passed, I’d see how they spent time (secular entertainment, worldly pursuits), I’d see what filled their mind (non-faith based motivational books, secular novels) and then ‘fruit’. If you see ‘fruit’ for the kingdom being produced by their efforts, Fruit of the Spirit in conduct this is good. If you hear God’s word quoted: good. If you otherwise hear ‘the one with the biggest stick wins! (God? not Goliath?), or ‘well, Murphy’s law’ (vs. All things work for good if you love the Lord and follow His purpose), or other such, look for those that consistently start and end with the Lord. They pray with you asap, they give you relevant scriptures and lead you to seek the Holy Spirit, to come into closer fellowships with bible study groups, etc. Then my friend, you will have found a rare jewel, ‘… the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.” Proverbs 20:15 
  • When and how to act: Test against these –

    'All the tea in China' won't do it!
    ‘All the tea in China’ won’t do it!

    1. Scriptural alignment – not only selected out of context verses that might support you otherwise.
    2. Bathed in prayer. Ask others to join in prayer for a leading.
    3. Leading of the Holy Spirit – outgrowth of prayer time.
    4. Timing. Could this be done better later? Or after God opens door(s). Are doors shutting consistently?
    5. Wise counsel.
    6. Keep seeking. Think Ecclesiates for what is of value, Psalms 1, 23, 119, etc for peace, Romans for instruction, and memorize Matt 5,6,7 Christs sermon on the Mount. With that alone you’ll probably find resolve.
  • Next step to freedom: Focus on others. Volunteer at the mission. Bring in a homeless friend. Host a bible study. Attend as many studies as you can – with new people you don’t know. Support a local fellowship where your support can make a difference and shares the uncompromised Word of God.  From personal experience I can attest these are all wonderful healing activities.

The Lord Bless you and Keep You !!!


I don’t dismiss or envy what you may be facing. Always glad to hear from you, pray for you. While you wait on the Lord in this storm, consider how you will be a blessing to others that need you after this learning time. Become equipped for them. They will need your testimony:

You have hard questions and need wisdom, perhaps start here.

    • Difficult Questions. Thoughtful Answers. For over 30 years and across 43 countries, RZIM has met millions of questioners with thoughtful answers concerning faith and God.
  • Labri Fellowship
    • The L’Abri communities are study centers in Europe, Asia and America where individuals have the opportunity to seek answers to honest questions about God and the significance of human life.
  • Want to know how infinitely complex scripture is, and why its simple wisdom can be trusted? You may enjoy Learn the Bible in 24 Hours, click on the book picture to “look inside”. You’ll be fascinated. One of many books I pass along to clients/ friends.

Blessings !

My Quora ‘wisdom’ ~ under the Quora name of my ‘scribe assistant.’

Posted in Couples in Challenge, Growing couples, Tools for Couples

Marriage trick #2: Shared Purpose, like horses and the hurting

A great divider of spouses is that which separates. Yet, that which joins together for a

common purpose is one of the great rewards of a most special type of teamwork.

Consider as much this couple and their purpose in Christ as you further enjoy the testimony of Kim’s hard childhood without her parents.


Kim Meeder: A Neglected Horse and Boy (LIFE Today) – YouTube

Mar 1, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

The director of the Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch tells the touching story of a neglected horse and the boy who …

Apr 10, 2013 – Uploaded by SIRONEDRAGON

A well known speaker on TV shows as ” Life Today ” with James and Betty Robinson…and author of …

Jun 22, 2011 – Uploaded by WaterBrook & Multnomah

True beauty is not about how you look… but how you live. Women are constantly bombarded with the lie that …

Apr 25, 2011 – Uploaded by WaterBrook & Multnomah

Choosing to Stand for What Matters Most

Mar 1, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

The author of “Fierce Beauty” tells the story of a horse whose face was crushed and its amazing encounter …

Kim Meeder, co-founder of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch on Vimeo › Focus on the Family Canada › Videos
Sep 28, 2017 – Uploaded by Focus on the Family Canada

Kim Meeder, co-founder of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, shares inspirational stories from her ranch, which …

Mar 2, 2012 – Uploaded by lifetodaytv

A woman whose father killed her mother, then himself, tells how Jesus Christ miraculously comforted her in that …

In this touching interview, Troy and Kim Meeder, founders of Crystal …

In this touching interview, Troy and Kim Meeder, founders of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, share inspirational …



Posted in Couples in Challenge, New couples

Marry someone with money. (Continued) aka: Ring Bling vs True Love

I found an excerpt from the below linked article to be nearly self evident. A wedding I attended in recent years had the biggest/ fanciest reception I’d ever been too. $10k more than I paid for my first house was Anibal-Affiliates-RealtyNetWorth-Lake-Shannon-why-I-sell-lakefront-rowboat-by-dockthe drop if I recall, country club, live band, exquisite desserts in the affair. I remember distinctly sensing at the time the effort in planning their party, but how much on their marital purpose? I also recall a couple humble weddings I attended at about the same time. Church reception, modest decor, etc, the focus was necessarily on the couple. That couple had and still does share a ministry, and now a new baby! The ‘fancy wedding couple’ ? They had many more fun gatherings I hear but have sadly gone separate ways.

While diamonds may be forever, marriages that begin with expensive bling are less likely to last long term, according to a recent study from Emory University. In the research, two economics professors polled 3,000 American adults who were presently or had previously been married, discovering that individuals who spend serious cash on engagement rings and the wedding ceremony were more likely to get divorced.


Posted in Couples in Challenge, Growing couples

Going to work on houses ? Work on relationship first.

Many times I’ve actually discourage married couples from building new, buying a fixer upper, or ‘taking a shot’ and investing. Why? Because financial stress can devastate a home and I’ll not take a commission at the expense of a marriage. Yes, I’ve even studied family counseling for years because of the stress that comes with large life changes – like real estate transactions! So I found this very refreshing – just saw this article about how these folks have a date night each week with no business allowed.

I think I’ve heard this story before, they like to rehab homes, he can move the walls, she can add the flair, they don’t do TV but prioritize Christ. Wasn’t sure whether to put this on my site or on our mentoring page.
Posted in Couples in Challenge

Words have meanings, please use them correctly

I realize this is my own amateur opinion. With that disclaimer I’m both NoahWebster180[1]giving and retracting my views all in one fell swoop. Huh? I’ll explain:

I’ve seen countless examples of family, spousal for example, communications take a hurtful toll over time due to the over use of confusing jargon. Sarcasm, for example, can be especially non productive when emotions or any stress level is involved. How do you know what your spouse is feeling on a subject deep down ? Whats ‘quippy’ and ‘cute’ to you may only be making the other persons view point seem of marginal value. Take the following for excerpt for example from Webster’s wiki.

In the early 1960s, Webster’s Third came under attack for its “permissiveness” and its failure to tell people what proper English was. It was the opening shot in the culture wars, as conservatives detected yet another symbol of the permissiveness of society as a whole and the decline of authority, as represented by the Second Edition.[25] As historian Herbert Morton explained, “Webster’s Second was more than respected. It was accepted as the ultimate authority on meaning and usage and its preeminence was virtually unchallenged in the United States. It did not provoke controversies, it settled them.” Critics charged that the [Webster’s Third] dictionary was reluctant to defend standard English, for example entirely eliminating the labels “colloquial”, “correct”, “incorrect”, “proper”, “improper”, “erroneous”, “humorous”, “jocular”, “poetic”, and “contemptuous”, among others.[26]

No compare to

In 1807 Webster began compiling a fully comprehensive dictionary, An American Dictionary of the English Language; it took twenty-eight years to complete. To evaluate the etymology of words, Webster learned twenty-six languages, including Old English (Anglo-Saxon), Greek, Hebrew and Latin.

Noah Webster was a Christian and famously said “Education is useless without the Bible.” His dictionary contains seventy thousand words and over six thousand Bible references and remains one of the only mainstream dictionaries to use Bible references to demonstrate the meaning of words. His dictionary is an essential tool for anyone studying the Bible.

Christian readers will find it rewarding to compare his definitions of such words as “marriage”, “education”, “sin”, “law”, “faith”, “prayer”, etc., with those given in any modern dictionary.loving-god-withallofyourheart-ha8022215-14-638

He worked hard to use scripture as a base for word meanings.

Think about the old saying ‘its not funny if only one person is laughing’. Better yet, think about the scriptural passage “But let yourYesbe ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Matt 5:37


9dfa364d5f5ed011c60a0851b00bc629[1]…that’s just how I see it.

Posted in Couples in Challenge

Presume (or know) they care, even when you ‘feel’ otherwise.

When you’re hurt, believe the best of your spouse’s intentions, rather than the worst. mentor marriage tip of the month

Instead of thinking, ‘He/she knew how that would make me feel, but said it anyway,’ try this: ‘Yes, that hurt, but I know they care about me, so they must not have known how that would make me feel or they wouldn’t have said it.’

Click here for the article and research.

Shaunti Feldhahn is the best-selling author of eye-opening, research-based books about men, women and relationships, including For Women Only, For Men Only, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and her newest, The Good News About Marriage. A Harvard-trained social researcher and speaker, her findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show, Focus on the Family, and the New York Times.

Posted in Couples in Challenge

Marriage and divorce facts: the actual truth is not what they tell you.

“…the notion that half of all marriages end in divorce or that the divorce rate is the same in the church… neither are anywhere close to true.”

Yet the media has told us otherwise for years. Intentional ? Unintentional ?

Let take the church thing first. They surveys ask if they believe, not if they actually attend. Among those that attended church weekly, stats far favor marital longevity AND happiness. Further, closer to 72% of married folks are still with their 1st/only spouse.

Here’s more:

Posted in Couples in Challenge

9 negative effects divorce reportedly has on children

1. Smoking habits………48 percent higher odds

2. Ritalin use……. 6.6 percent used Ritalin. Of the children living in intact households, 3.3 percent used

3. Poor math and social skills

4. Susceptibility to sickness

5. An increased likelihood of dropping out of school

6. A propensity for crime

8. Greater chance of getting divorced……three times more likely to divorce themselves

9. An early death…….. died on average almost five years earlier than children whose parents did not divorce.