I found an excerpt from the below linked article to be nearly self evident. A wedding I attended in recent years had the biggest/ fanciest reception I’d ever been too. $10k more than I paid for my first house was the drop if I recall, country club, live band, exquisite desserts in the affair. I remember distinctly sensing at the time the effort in planning their party, but how much on their marital purpose? I also recall a couple humble weddings I attended at about the same time. Church reception, modest decor, etc, the focus was necessarily on the couple. That couple had and still does share a ministry, and now a new baby! The ‘fancy wedding couple’ ? They had many more fun gatherings I hear but have sadly gone separate ways.
While diamonds may be forever, marriages that begin with expensive bling are less likely to last long term, according to a recent study from Emory University. In the research, two economics professors polled 3,000 American adults who were presently or had previously been married, discovering that individuals who spend serious cash on engagement rings and the wedding ceremony were more likely to get divorced.
This week I heard someone note how their criteria for a mate was ‘money’. Another comment was ‘I should divorce, what do I need (him/her) for ?’
- Really? These folks might want to dwell on some Ecclesiastes wisdom. Even the Buddhist background from which they come can appreciate such wise ponderings from Solomon.
While marriages isn’t always what its ‘quacked up to be’, don’t ‘duck your responsibilities’.
What do you look for in a partner. A life ministry supporter? If you are seeking ‘what will that person add to me’ you may be better to consider ‘how can we add to each others service for the Kingdom’. Christ brought a gift of sacrifice to his bride (us, the church body). Thus, a gift of sacrifice to your bride as bridegroom, a spirit of acceptance as bride.
“Love is a commitment that will be tested … force you to make some very difficult choices.
… that demands that you deal with
- your lust,
- your greed,
- your pride,
- your power,
- your desire to control,
- your temper,
- your patience,
- and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.”
“The important thing to bear in mind is that you must face your willingness to die to yourself before you choose to walk down the aisle. Is this person the one for whom you are willing to die daily? Is this person to whom you say, “I do” also the one for whom you are willing to say, “No, I don’t” to everybody else? Be assured that marriage will cost you everything.”
“Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve. You must not act under the impetus of charm, but out of a commitment to make someone’s life the joy you want it to be.”
“The apostle Paul says in Romans 13:14, “Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” In other words, do not put yourself in a place where you can fall.”
“Marriage brings together not just a man and his wife but their children and their struggles. To suddenly drop the partner who has carried that load with you along life’s journey for all these years for someone with no strings or worries attached is cruel. Marriage is not a commercial enterprise in which you replace a car you have tired of with another one.”
“Become a man or woman of prayer…Let your heart and mind be kept close to the principal calling of your life, … to hunger and thirst after God and His righteousness…
“To the young woman I say, This is the moment in your life when he who is wooing you will be at his kindest. And if you do not see kindness in the man you are dating, beware! For the partnership you are looking for will be nourished and nurtured only on the basis of a love that is not arrogant or prideful, but kind.”
“Many pray for the right partner but cease to pray for the right union–that they be one as Jesus and the Father are one..”
“In the early days of marriage, joy precedes the act. Tragically, as the years go by joy can be severed from the act until finally, the act itself is no more. This ought not to be. Over time it is the companionship that brings joy, and service is the natural outworking of the joy of commitment. Failure to act kills it.” s
“Think long and hard whether you have reached that mature stage of selflessness for this one you think you love so much. The love you enjoy will be the best thing that ever happened to you, but it will cost you your independence…. The responsibility of marriage and family demands time, and when we cheat on that, we rob ourselves of the investment returns.”
“Let your devotional life be the beacon that guides you through the tough terrain you will face.”
“Just as strength is a man’s charm, so charm is a woman’s strength.”
“That is what a well-guarded prayer life can reveal about us, that our trust is not in ourselves but in seeking God’s strength for what we do.
“Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will (choose) to love somebody, you can. – Ravi Zacharias’ brother”
Video series on moving from courtship to marriage. Higly recommend.
My cousin is no longer the lil gal that graced my folks wedding in 1953.
Lookin good cousin Sal.
Believe everything you hear and most of what you see (or not).
Fake news is all the rage. But what about ‘gossip’, what about ‘first go to the person…’ ?
What effect does it have on your marriage when you introduce ‘well so `n so says that …’ or ‘you know what ____ thinks ?’ I usually say ‘I’m less interested in ‘what they think’ and more interested in if I start and end with The Word when I act. Everything else will have to take care of itself.
Yes, the photo is a mock up, a fake.
A great church friend says: “Be careful what you tell others about your husband (wife), it may the the only picture others have to understand who your spouse is.” My paraphrase is, every time you tell me about another person and the content of what you tell me, from this I know how you represent me to others.
Come share whats in ‘your toolbox’.
We meet at members homes and their churches each week during the school year and 1x/month during the summer.
2 hr & 15 min sessions go like this: Each segment is optional and you are free to come/go as you are able.
- 6:15-6:30 Snacks to pass.
- Hosts do not bring anything. Others, when you confirm attendance specify ‘healthy snack/ drink/ unhealthy snack/ plates, naps, cups’ so others can pick something else.
- 6:30 – 7:15 Open presentations.
- Optional participation – In the round share the resource/ book/ tip you have. Be as creative as you’d like. Photos from ‘way back when’ ?, a couple in need that we can help, an activity, place or group you’ve found that would support marital efforts.
- Also will include ‘special invited guests’ – who would you like to nominate ?
- 7:30 – 8:30 Curriculum.
Tuesday evenings starting 2/21.
Further info: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/strengthening-your-marriage/mentoring-101/marriage-mentoring
What Is a Marriage Mentor?
“What I need is someone to talk to who has walked down the path ….” … offer the distance and objectivity that a mentor gives. A mentor is not:
- a mother or father.
- a friend.
- “on call” for every little crisis.
- a know-it-all.
- committed long-term.
Often its said PPD affects women, but drives men away. But it also causes many women to look outside for excitement as a temporary fix. This, I’ve witnessed as a force that leads the wife, not husband, to end the marriage.
For more tips: