Series: Challenges ~ ‘[spouse] bankrupt us, should I stay married or divorce?’

~ Wow, I’m so sorry you have to even be burdened in such a way. First hand professional experience with multiple clients is such a state, sadly. ~ Know first, others have ‘stories’, they are just to proud to tell you – they want to bury them – or prayerfully/better, they’ve gone to the scriptures and The Throne and burdens have been exchanged for joy, a testimony and deliverance. Unrelated ‘story’ I know, but my role model of persistence in the face of depressions, wars, and poverty, I introduce my grandma Pearl Anibal. The one that raised my dad – pictured. ___ Born 1900. Drove a 3 in the tree Chevy II until her last driving day. Lived out her last days in the Durand farm house where she was born, keeping a garden for organic food, and praying her list daily. She’d pray until late in the night. You could get on her list…but only death removed you from the long list. Bored me to tears as a child when we’d visit her, never giving an answer or opinion outside of quoting scripture in the sentence. Had little to her name, modest in every way. A school teacher, insisted on only the best and hard work from the kids. She raised many kids all alone after her husband died of cancer in `53. Eight fine aunts and uncles. _______ Perhaps the wisest woman I’ve ever known, wish I could chat w/ her again.

As a licensed, yet self titled Consulting Financial / Realty ‘Therapist’, I have an approach that only recently I realized was part of a larger group of professional ‘Financial Therapists’. Yes, its a ‘thing’.

You. You’re in the throws of crisis. You have the contact list in your phone or email list. It’s something like this:

Pastor – faith counselor
Marital psychologist – counselor
Legal / divorce lawyer – …again, ‘counselor’
Bankruptcy attorney
Tax accountant/ CPA
Banker, insurance agent, bla bla bla

Where to start? Who to call first? Who’s advice trumps the others if they don’t align? Whoosh, I feel a nervous breakdown coming on. No, no you don’t. As a believer you have this checklist to start with:

‘I …
…can do ALL things…
…through CHRIST…
…who gives me strength’.
——— Keep going ——–
‘And we know that ALL THINGS work together for good FOR THOSE THAT LOVE THE LORD’.

Ok, so start at the top. 1. You need to be in Christ, so read, repent, live consistent going forward, and know that the battle is not yours, BUT, you must press on to win the prize, doing YOUR due diligence before the Lord. How more specifically? All major decisions and life changes should follow these scriptural precepts:

Seek wisdom in the Word
Pray w/ open ears
Listen for the Holy Spirits lead
Solicit wise counsel of believers more mature that yourself
Consider the timing of your decisions if you are feeling lead – is ‘now’ better, or ‘later’ ? Perhaps never eh?
Fast – just as Christ did.

Somewhere in the above is where my phone rings. I’m glad they called. You/ they, don’t walk thru chaos or major life change/challenges every day, maybe only once in their lives (I pray for you).

When you speak to 1 professional, you oft get their ‘tunnel vision’ only. Perhaps its not their intention, but they see your life through the simplicity of their profession and theirs only. What’s great legally is perhaps morally abhorrent. Same with ‘credit’ advice, tax advice, buy/sell a house advice, etc. There is necessarily a ‘bigger picture’ to one’s life. Ideally, each professional would defer to that reality AND be able to direct you to others to assist before making a large decision – and hopefully not a huge further life complicating mess.

Finally, remember, Steven forgave even those that caused his stoning death.
‘Married’ allows for a ‘time of separation’ that you might pray, right?
There is one allowance, criteria if you will, not a requirement, for divorce.
Greener grass still needs care, and might be more work -statistics of 2nd and 3rd marriages hold this to be true.
Decisions are rarely best made when you are emotional as satan can step into the process so so easily.
Finally, remarriage requires abandonment. Don’t use your definition here, find Gods. How ? see above….still not sure ? see me, a ‘therapist’ (intentionally in quotes).