Posted in Tools for Couples, Uncategorized

Do you think before doing?

One of my favorite guy friends (btw, you guys should have guy friends – gals/ New Testamant for more great Ebenezer: Machrie Moor standing stone, Scotlandideas ) of all times just wacked me in the head again with a pier mentoring tidbit. Or perhaps he was just trying to expose my simpleness.

Most of you reading this that were raised with hymnal singing have sung the line:

  • Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
    hither by thy help I’m come;
    and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
    safely to arrive at home.
  • from: “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”
  • Whats it mean ?

Well, Mr. B likes to challenge my ignorance – e.g. with the following Skype chat:

him: When in doubt, raise thine ebenezer my friend. Raise thine ebenezer.
[8:39:28 PM]

me: Yknow !…. How many lyrics have I sung over the years and as I age I go…”why have I always sung this & other lines that I have NO idea what it means?!” Do I worship, learn of & seek after the living Jesus, or am I a stinkin cult member blabbering what those around me blabber !! – As I’ve told the pastor at the mission where I volunteer – “I have many sermons prepared when I get your call” and I do. Some you’ve seen as I blog them out there to no-one on my sites like   And with that – “I raaaaise my ebenezer” !!!

Well, I do actually raise my ebenezer – daily in fact ( now that I know what it means ).

But my point is – and I do have one – is this…. do you take a good look at how your life choices/ words/ actions , etc. edify/ enhance/ serve with purpose ? Or do you just do as others with little thought.

  • Live the examined life…
  • have “a reason for what you believe” and do.
  • Learn of God and His will.
  • Raise thine ebenezar.
  • Just do it!
Posted in Tools for Couples

How do you listen ?

This was too good to pass up…so here it is, or perhaps I should say “hear” it is.


We can learn a lot about listening from the Chinese character to listen.

Write 1 – if you engage in the behavior almost always (91-100% ) of the time.

Write 2 – if you engage in the behavior usually (71-90%) of the time.

Write 3 – if you engage in the behavior sometimes (31-79%) of the time.

Write 4 – if you engage in the behavior seldom (11-30%) of the time.

Write 5 – if you engage in the behavior almost never (0-10%) of the time.



1.When someone has just told me a dramatic or humorous story about herself or himself, I say, “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened to me.”  
2.I let a lack of organization get in the way of my listening.  
3. I interrupt if I have something to say.  
4. When someone is telling me a story or making a point about something, as soon as I realize what he or she is driving at I let my mind wander until it’s my turn to talk since I know what is going to be said.  
5. When someone says something that I believe I know what they mean but I’m not really sure, I fail to ask for clarification or repeat what I believe they have said before I speak.  
6. I give little verbal or nonverbal feedback to the other person.  
7. I pay attention only to the words and ignore the pitch and tone being used.  
8. I let emotionally charged words make me angry and therefore block me from really listening.  
9. If I consider the subject boring, I stop paying attention.  
10. I criticize the other person’s delivery or mannerisms.  
11. I let distractions interfere with my concentration.  
12. When someone is explaining something technical or complicated, I act as if I am following what she or he says, even if I am not, so I won’t look or sound stupid.  
13. I do not recognize when I am too upset or tired to listen.  
14. I try to give advice when someone is telling me his or her problem.  
15. When someone is communicating feelings, I try to get them out of their feelings rather than help them clarify what they are experiencing.  
16.I am what could be classified a “polite” listener rather than what would be called a “congruent” listener – someone who listens deeply to the whole person and whole message.  
17. When I hear something I disagree with, I stop listening and begin formulating in my head what I want to say to refute what the other person has said or I stop listening because I am judging what the other person has just said.  

This quiz is based on the skills you need to be a good listener. Add the numbers you assigned to the 17 items. This is your total Listening Self Evaluation score. The average score is 61. Is your higher or lower? By itself, your total score is less important than your responses to the individual items. Items on which you rated yourself 1, 2, or 3 indicate areas in which you need to improve. Bear in mind that people are often unaware of their true listening behaviors and your answers may not reflect how you really behave. You can double check your answers by having some ( SPOUSE PERHAPS ?, BLOGMASTER INSERT) with whom you interact regularly fill out the form reflecting on your behavior – not his or her own. (You’ll get some interesting feedback!)

If you take our session, you will have an opportunity to take this quiz at the beginning and again at the end of the class as one way of assessing any improvements in your listening skills.