Posted in Couples in Challenge, Mentoring others

Rule violation re: greener grass

Pet peeve: please don’t send me emails or FB posts with “nice sayings”, the only wisdom I really like to glean from are scriptural passages, and rarely scriptural convictions/scoldings. Hows that for self defensiveness.

That said, I’m going to break my own rule about “nice sayings” ( and I really do tend to ignore 99.9% of them ).

Every time a spouse tells me about greener grass I give basic relevant scriptural bullet points to them. But really, those Tough Talk to a Stubborn Spousethat want green grass: get out the fertilizer, de-thatch often, weed n feed, rake up n discard the droppings, use mower more often, and bag it !

ps, here’s all the excuses in one of my fav’s:

http://www.amazon.com/Tough-Stubborn-Spouse-Stephen-Schwambach/dp/0595168574

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Posted in Couples in Challenge, Mentoring others, Tools for Couples

You married who you admired…now live at peace.

Few specific words do I recall of writers and speakers I take scripturally sound wisdom from, but these I remember from long ago. He was discussing a spousal complaint against the other…

“My spouse is so ( such and such, aka: consistent and somewhat boring )…well, what drew you to be attracted way back when ?…. I suppose it was the fact that he was so ( such and such, aka: predictable when others where so immature ). So then, he is what you where attracted to eh?….  Ah, I see your point.”

I think back to another couple – sad ending. One spouse was prone to be very confrontational and it pushed away 2 spouses …. certainly part of the equation to the end of 2 marriages in my opinion. So I ask such people now: “where did you learn this ?… well, my mother was pushy, apt to put duress into seemingly simple conversations…and how did you respond ?… I guess I learned the same posture in a way to self preserve and push back, I guess I’ve carried this into my relationships – the quality I don’t like in my parent I now have myself”.

Folks, please look away from the mirror next time you wish to say “how can you treat me like that ?” Now granted, they probably shouldn’t “treat you like that”, but, if you really want an answer to the question, try to understand your spouse, how they came to be like that, and help them understand themselves so that the cycle may be broken.

Don’t like it in my words ? Ok, try Gods:

  • If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. http://bible.cc/romans/12-18.htm
  • Proverbs 3:30 Do not accuse a man for no reason–when he has done you no harm.


    Matthew 5:24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.


    Mark 9:50 “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.”


    Romans 14:19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

  • ( aka: EDIFY, Love, your webmaster)
Posted in Couples in Challenge, Tools for Couples

“Good Luck with your problems”, action ? or reaction ?

Ok, now that I’ve heard this from 3 persons in the last month, I must comment. Each time, it took me by surprise. I don’t feel I have any problems ! God does, I cast all my cares on Him. I, on the other hand, CAN do ALL THINGs ….THRU  CHRIST, who gives me strength. Furthermore, ALL THINGs work together for good, IF you are called by His name AND according to HIS purpose.

Remember Paul’s remarks to the Philippians 4:12  ?…I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I must tell you, who can ad a single moment to their life by worry ? In all things pray and give thanks … ( how many scripture verse paraphrases can you identify thus far ?

Thanks to age ( mine ), I’ve seen so many trials and fretted uselessly through them only to see blessings completely unexpected on the other side that I must say I’m cheating in my walk of  “faith” here, I know that “joy comes in the morning” – or soon thereafter. If I got to write another verse or two I’d plagiarize some already written and say “well, God trusts us so much that He allows today so we can be more content or more ministerially useful tomorrow. I feel its a sin issue when I want to so control my life that i  have “problems” – putting me on the throne and presuming God is no longer running the world – yikes ! Scary thought. Let Him run the world ( and yours), quit the worry, start the yielding prayers, and use the day He gives you to keep on your God centered purpose.

I’ve drawn some conclusions: I’m looking at folks who see “problems”. Do they have a persona I harvest a lot of spiritual fruit from ? Perhaps they can use a touch of supernatural joy unspeakable and a filling of glory., your webmaster.