Posted in Uncategorized

Say ‘Thank You’

A successful relationship depends not just on how partners divvy up the household chores, but also on how they http://x1d.xanga.com/baf8574727378252654121/b200702158.jpgexpress gratitude.

A new study sheds light on why one partner often gets stuck with certain household chores while the other is oblivious to the piled-up laundry or overflowing garbage. The trick to harmony could be a simple “thank you,” the research indicates.

……………………..more……………..

researchers suggest:

  • Perform tasks before they become necessary.
  • Stick to a schedule for specific chores.
  • Be mindful of the work your partner does and remember to express gratitude.
  • Write down a list of your tasks. Then, switch lists (and tasks) for a week or month to better understand your partner’s contributions.
  • Understand that each partner has a different threshold for household chores so you can address your partner in a calmer, less accusing way.
( host added: ….scriptures anyone…..anyone ? )
Posted in Uncategorized

Couples Who Say ‘We’ Fare Better in Fights

Couples who consistently refer to themselves as “we” may get on the nerves of singletons everywhere, but spouses who use this “couple-focused” language may fare better during conflicts than those who don’t, according to a study announced this week.

The study found that using personal pronouns, such as “we,” “our” and “us,” when talking about a conflict was associated with more positive behaviors between the pair, such as affection, less negative behavior (like anger), and lower physiological stress levels during the disagreement.

On the other hand, using words that expressed “separateness,” such as “I,” “you,” and “me,” during the discussion was associated with marital dissatisfaction.

Discussions regarding marital disagreements can sometimes turn into hostile interactions, said study researcher Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. “And our thinking is that, using the ‘we’ words in that context can maybe help realign the couple, and help them to see themselves as being on the same team as opposed to adversaries,” he told LiveScience.

However, since the results are based on conversations that took place in a laboratory setting, more research is needed to firm up the findings.

Conflict conversations

The study involved 154 middle-aged and older couples who were in their first marriages.

The spouses were video-taped during a 15-minute conversation regarding a conflict in their marriage. At the same time, scientists monitored the participants’ heart rate, body temperature and how much they sweated, among other factors to assess their physiological state. All the data was collected back in 1989-1990 as part of a long-term marital study.

Seider and his colleagues went back and examined the tapes, looking at signs of emotional behavior, such as facial expressions and tone of voice.

In addition to finding that “we” language is linked to emotional behavior, the researchers also found that older couples used more “we” words, a result suggesting couples who have been together longer have developed a stronger shared identity with their partners than younger couples.

…….

The results were published in the September 2009 issue of the journal Psychology and Aging.