Tools page updated.

I’ve added When Couples Pray / Cheri Fuller

We use this book. It has practical examples …1 per chapter..of differing schedules & couple personality mixes that have developed each their own style of using prayer to draw each other close under a yielding purpose in Christ. Try to “let the sun go down on your anger” after you’ve prayed for your spouse openly knowing God is checking your spirit. I’m thankful that dad had family devotions each night at 9 when I was growing up to set an example., Paul

After the rice is thrown and the cake is eaten, couples settle into the oft-difficult task of building a life together. Believing that the couple that prays together stays together (and citing statistical divorce rates of less than one percent to prove her point), Cheri Fuller upholds joint prayer as the glue to seal a Christian marriage. In When Couples Pray: The Little Known Secret to Lifelong Happiness in Marriage, she shares many stories of couples who discovered the power of prayer

Financial Questions Before ‘I Do’

While I prefer to start with Crown.org, and peak at Dave Ramseys site for financial primers, here’s a rare piece of sage from the Wall Street Journal. Why finances ?, not only is it the #1 hot topic for rub between couples, it was also top of the list for Christ’s pieces of wisdom. Have you read Matt 25 ?

Ok, here’s the quip, click thru for more.

by Jeff D. Opdyke
Tuesday, February 16, 2010 What couples don’t always grasp is that money is rarely the real culprit. It’s the lack of communication, often stemming from a lack of knowledge about each other’s personal financial quirks and beliefs.

So, some time between “Yes, I will marry you,” and “I do,” you and your partner need to have The Money Talk — the key questions all couples should ask of one another.

PS. For those of you who “live under grace of the New Testament, not the law of the Old Testament, as pastor says about that quote: “That dog don’t hunt !”  Tithing was pre-law in the Old T !, practice and grow wealthy in your closeness with God and each other.

Paul

Mom n Dad, Dec. 1953

Updated:

I’ve updated the Personality Types page which you must link to from the Tools page….which I’ve also updated w/ Financial links & added details.

Say ‘Thank You’

A successful relationship depends not just on how partners divvy up the household chores, but also on how they express gratitude.

A new study sheds light on why one partner often gets stuck with certain household chores while the other is oblivious to the piled-up laundry or overflowing garbage. The trick to harmony could be a simple “thank you,” the research indicates.

……………………..more……………..

researchers suggest:

• Perform tasks before they become necessary.
• Stick to a schedule for specific chores.
• Be mindful of the work your partner does and remember to express gratitude.

• Write down a list of your tasks. Then, switch lists (and tasks) for a week or month to better understand your partner’s contributions.
• Understand that each partner has a different threshold for household chores so you can address your partner in a calmer, less accusing way.

( host added: ….scriptures anyone…..anyone ? )

Couples Who Say ‘We’ Fare Better in Fights

Rachael Rettner
Staff Writer
livescience.com – Wed Feb 3, 9:20 am ET

Couples who consistently refer to themselves as “we” may get on the nerves of singletons everywhere, but spouses who use this “couple-focused” language may fare better during conflicts than those who don’t, according to a study announced this week.

The study found that using personal pronouns, such as “we,” “our” and “us,” when talking about a conflict was associated with more positive behaviors between the pair, such as affection, less negative behavior (like anger), and lower physiological stress levels during the disagreement.

On the other hand, using words that expressed “separateness,” such as “I,” “you,” and “me,” during the discussion was associated with marital dissatisfaction.

Discussions regarding marital disagreements can sometimes turn into hostile interactions, said study researcher Benjamin Seider, a graduate student in psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. “And our thinking is that, using the ‘we’ words in that context can maybe help realign the couple, and help them to see themselves as being on the same team as opposed to adversaries,” he told LiveScience.

However, since the results are based on conversations that took place in a laboratory setting, more research is needed to firm up the findings.

Conflict conversations

The study involved 154 middle-aged and older couples who were in their first marriages.

The spouses were video-taped during a 15-minute conversation regarding a conflict in their marriage. At the same time, scientists monitored the participants’ heart rate, body temperature and how much they sweated, among other factors to assess their physiological state. All the data was collected back in 1989-1990 as part of a long-term marital study.

Seider and his colleagues went back and examined the tapes, looking at signs of emotional behavior, such as facial expressions and tone of voice.

In addition to finding that “we” language is linked to emotional behavior, the researchers also found that older couples used more “we” words, a result suggesting couples who have been together longer have developed a stronger shared identity with their partners than younger couples.

…….

The results were published in the September 2009 issue of the journal Psychology and Aging.

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